


Moonlighting

by D4tD (dance4thedead), Xbertyx



Series: Moonlighting series. [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Anything can happen - Freeform, Crack, Crack by any other name, F/M, I aim to fail to meet all of your expectations for this piece, M/M, Multi, Other, crack on crack, crackity crack crack, crackity cracky crack, ignore us ... we are completely insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 01:41:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 12,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4647501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dance4thedead/pseuds/D4tD, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xbertyx/pseuds/Xbertyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Undertaker gets his hands on Sebastian's cinematic record and the death bookmark. Nothing good is going to come of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seeing

His head was hazy as he came back into consciousness. The lights were bright in the room, and he couldn't make out the blurred faces of the people gathered around him.

“Ooooh, Bassy is going to be angry when he finds out!”

“Senpai, that's not a good thing. Right boss?”

“I'm not in the mood to discuss such matters.”

“Who's going to train him, then? Hmh? He can't go through the academy. I'd call dibs, but Knoxie and I make such a good team together. Willy, why don't you partner with him? My, I'd looove to see that! Both of you are so gorgeous—”

“Pardon my intrusion,” Sebastian interrupted, not pleased by the voices he recognized in his present company. He looked about himself blindly. The three other reapers fell silent. “Would any of you mind telling me  _exactly_ what is going on?”

“Here ya' are, mate,” Ronald said as he slipped a pair of glasses on to Sebastian's face. “There, tha' should be better.”

The world around him came into focus. He was sitting in middle of office, surrounded by William, Grell, and Ronald.

“It would seem a certain reaper with an very off sense of humor decided to make a revision to your cinematic record with the death bookmark,” William said with his typical air of disdain.

Grell reached into her pocket to retrieve a mirror compact, flicking open for Sebastian to see his own very green eyes.

“See, dear, it just so happens that now you are a butler, and demon … and a reaper.”


	2. Joking.

Sebastian blinked a few times. His eyes had already adjusted to his new reflection but his mind could not. He had to be dreaming. No, demons didn't dream. Had Lau sneaked some opium into his system? That couldn't be it either, demons couldn't get high.

"This is quite an amusing joke," Sebastian stated.

"Oh, it is no joke. Believe me, I wish it was. Spending forever with filth like you wasn't on my wish list," William replied.

"Yeah and tha' boss can't kill ya' either," Ronald chimed in. "He isn't allowed to kill another reaper. Council law and all that." William glared at him.

"Seriously, please stop jesting me," Sebastian said.

"We are doing no such thing, darling," Grell cooed. "We are deadly seriously. You are indeed a reaper now and what a fine example of one you are." She moved her face forward towards his. "How's about a kiss to celebrate your rebirth?"  

Sebastian pushed her away and laughed. "You reapers are quite funny. Who would have thought you'd have a sense of humour." 

"We're not jokin'!" Ronald said loudly. "Do ya' really think chilly willy over here would let us pull that sort of prank?" 

Sebastian shot daggers his way. He was right. They weren't joking. He truly was now a reaper/ demon hybrid. "Then change me back at once. You wouldn't want to anger me, would you?"

"You think I haven't tried?" William asked. "I have. Even against Sutcliff's moronic wishes, I have tried everything. I'm afraid you are stuck like this and we, well we are all stuck with you."


	3. Calling

“Sebastian? What the hell do you mean 'you've been transformed into a reaper'? Get yourself out of whatever mess you've gotten yourself into and get back here at once!” the voice yelled through the receiver.

Grell snickered from the desk she was perched on. She, Ronald and William had drawn straws to decide who was required to ~~make sure he didn't steal souls when left unattended~~ teach him the basics of being a dispatch officer. Grell won (or lost) by default; she was the only person that actually drew a straw.

Sebastian sighed, moving Ronald's cellular phone further away from his ear. “Young master, I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple.”

“We have a contract, Sebastian! Does that mean nothing to you? Return at once, that's an—”

Click.

“Did you just …? Oh, Bassy … getting rebellious are you?” Grell asked.

“Should I acclimate to being a reaper with enough haste, I believe I will be able to return in time for diner preparations.”

“Not when you have overtime, my dear.” She grinned at him.

“Overtime?” Sebastian asked timidly, an unfamiliar feeling of anxiety kicking in.

"Now darling, lesson one …"


	4. Rules.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbed from BB musical two.

Grell paused for a moment, before speaking again. "Actually, the first lesson should really be an explanation of the rules, as dull and boring as they are. Rule number one, reapers must wear glasses. We're all quite useless without them, especially Will."

 "Rule number two, reapers must take care of their death scythes. Don't keep losing it, like Ronnie does. I have no idea how that boy misplaces something so big."

 "Rule number three, sundry expenses must be paid at the end of each month."

 "Rule number four, which is my favourite of them all, if you meet a handsome man, you get a paid holiday."

 Sebastian shot her a confused look. "But you are all male here."

 Grell's eyes filled with lust, her lips pulled into a grin. "Exactly, darling. The association can be so much fun at times. Now for the next rule, number five. Reapers must work without even the smallest of smiles. Be stoic just like Will. He really does adore that rule."

 "Rule number six, Ronald's favourite rule. When the set time comes, we quit and go on a group date."

 "Men on a group date?"

 She fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Yes, so many men in a room together. A lady such as myself is grateful for such a situation. Well that is all of our rules."

 Sebastian just blinked at her. She spoke again. "Now it's time for practical studies."


	5. Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which 10% of the population will empathize with Sebby.

"Ms Suttcliff, I brought what you asked for," a more conservative looking reaper (but not Will conservative, ew) said as he entered the room. He handed Grell a small, shrink wrapped package.  

Grell smiled back at him. "Thank you, Alan. You really are such a sweetheart." 

Sebastian rolled his now green eyes as Alan left, nauseated by everything about the dispatch. Thanks to Grell's excessive yammering about office politics and something about the bottle of hair gel in William's desk being filled with something different, he had missed his opportunity to return to the manor in time to prepare diner. This evening's meal was in the hands that explosive-happy lunatic. The young master would not be pleased.

"He's a cutie, isn't he?" Grell asked, in reference to Alan. "Too bad he's taken … which leaves meeee as the lesser of three evils," she said as she tore the covering off the package. 

"Good lord, so this is what the overwhelming urge to vomit feels like."

Grell held out the package's contents for Sebastian to see. It was a pair scissors: ugly, grandmother pink-paisley fabric sheers with a spot of rust on the blade. "This is your very own death scythe."

"Grell … I cannot use those."

"Don't be silly Bassy. There is nothing wrong with using magenta as an accent colour … and besides, this is the only weapon my dear William approved you for."

Sebastian shifted on the underpadded swivel chair, making the pleather squelch. "That's not the reason," he huffed. "I'm a lefty."


	6. It doesnt bl**dy work like that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much crack. Jesus.

 Grell waved a hand, obviously uncaring for his predicament. "Just turn them the opposite way then, darling."

 Sebastian sighed. "It doesn't quite work like that."

 "Like I care. We have field work to begin now anyway. Ronnie is joining us. He is usually my partner but I'm sure a threesome will do no harm."

 Sebastian just stared at her. Did she really just hint at a threesome? This handsome man rule must be very important.

\---

 They ported off to meet Ronald, Sebastian being glad that he had ported before as a demon. He may have ended up in the Antarctic is that wasn't the case. Grell had given him his ledger before they left. It was also bright pink. Sebastian's eyebrow had twitched when he saw it, in much the same way as William's did.  

 "Remember." Ronald stated. "Reap 'em. Don't eat 'em."

 "I am bond by my contract. I am not permitted to devour souls." Sebastian glared at him.

 Grell giggled. "He really is a tame dog, as Will would say. That's not fun though, I like my men as wild as can be. Now, let's get down to business. We have many souls to reap today."

\----

 Sebastian opened his eyes slowly, to find himself in the infirmary. He remembered his scythe jamming due to the rust and then a cinematic record knocking him from a roof. A very high roof. That had hurt. Hurt a lot.

 He heard a familiar, grating voice coming from his side. "And I thought you had class, Bassy. You went down like a sack of spuds! William will not be pleased."


	7. Morning

Sebastian took a deep breath, bracing himself for the inevitable. "Good morning, young master."

Ciel's eyes flew open, awake in an instant. "SEBASTIAN! What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU? You IDIOT! We have a CONTRACT you bastard! What kind of F—"

"Young master."

"—KING BUTLER are you?"

Sebastian cringed, spilling a few drops of tea outside the teacup he was filling. It didn't help that the standard issue glasses he was wearing weren't bifocals, and his new reaper vision had laughable depth perception. 

"My lord, please accept my gravest apologies for hanging up on you yesterday … and for that other thing," Sebastian said, rubbing his backside. Unfortunately, the time it took for a reaper to recover from injuries was much longer than what it would took for a demon, and the reaper characteristic seemed to be more dominate at the moment. 

Ciel took a the offered drink from his butler, seething all the while. "You let. Bard. Cook. For me. Have you no shame? Damn demon."

"Half demon," Sebastian corrected, immediately regretting the words that came out of his mouth. Scalding hot tea splashed on to his face, making his glasses fog. 

"Sebastian," Ciel said, his voice dropping into a terrifying calm. "You and I had an understanding. You aid me in obtaining my revenge and you get my soul. What do we do now? Do we split my soul, then? Maybe you should only get half now that you're only half committed to serving me? What about thirds? Do you think you deserve a third of my soul, Sebastian?"

"Master, I must tell you, splitting a soul never ends well for anyone."

 "That's not my point, Sebastian! I want to know how our arrangement is going to work out with you acquiring a part time job. Can't you quit or something?"

"No, that wouldn't not end well either. You would find that we would all meet a rather abrupt end. In the meantime, I will simply make do by making all of the necessary arrangements for the day in advance …" he paused, a hint of nervousness peeking through is flawless composer. "… because I'm required report to the dispatch for my shift tonight," Sebastian squeaked out.

He barely managed to port away in time from the bullet that was shot at his face. In the future, perhaps it would be better to break all bad news to his master over the phone.


	8. Second time lucky? More like third.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crack. So much shi*ty crack.

 The beginning of the night shift came too soon for the poor demon's liking. Demon/ reaper cross now? Yes, that was correct. He was no longer a pure bred fiend of hell. Grell was waiting for him in his office. "So, Will was rather angry with you for messing up on your first assignment."

 Sebastian eyed her with disinterest. "Why would I concern myself with what he thinks?"

 Grell moved up close to him. "Because you have no idea what I had to do to calm him down. You owe me for that one."

 _Sex sex sex._ Sebastian shuddered at the mental images that he was currently experiencing. "I owe you for nothing." _You whore._

 She pouted at him. "You really are quite dull. You're lucky that you are so handsome or I might have been so offended by your words that my death scythe would have been brought down upon your head. Now, we really must be getting to work, before William gets angry again."

\---

 They ported to their destination, a store where a robbery was about to take place. There were two souls due to be collected, both from stab wounds. "Now, make sure to actually collect a soul this time, darling."

 "Maybe if I had decent equipment-."

 "Come on, hurry up. That man is about to die over there."

 Sebastian sighed and sprang into action. He tripped over a box in the store and fell forward. He was unable to steady himself, the end of his scythe stabbing him straight through the neck. _This is indeed going to be a long shift_. He thought, before everything went black.  


	9. Sebastian gets lucky (kind of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written (mostly) in past perfect tense.

There wasn't much Sebastian remembered about that night, but he was able to obtain information of the events by piecemealing the account of a particularly unreliable narrator with the cinematic record of the stab victims and his own fragmented memories. 

After Grell had CPRed him back to consciousness, Sebastian had jumped to his feet and had chased the robber from the store. He had need to exact his own revenge on the man—Ciel really had been an awful influence—because he would have never tripped himself and fallen on his death scythe if it hadn't been for the robber's original offence. 

Cornering him in one of London's many shady alleys, Sebastian had wrenched the death scythe from his own neck, driving the dull, tetanus covered fabric sheers through soft flesh, between a pair of ribs, and into the robber's heart. 

A mass of film had erupted from the man's chest in a burst of pure, white light. Sebastian had suppressed the urge to consume the man's soul and had clipped the robber's cinematic record into a pile of perfectly sliced frames. Sebastian had smiled, devilishly. What kind of demon/butler/reaper would he have been if he couldn't at least finish a collection?

Sebastian had already lost a lot of blood because you aren't supposed to remove objects from puncture wounds, so he had not comprehended at the time what Grell's celebratory cheering had been for when she had caught up to him. She had collected the souls of the two people who had been stabbed in the store and had chased after Sebastian because she had been concerned that he would have passed out again. She had been correct. As Sebastian had finally had completed the first assignment he had been successful in finishing, Grell had pulled him into a bear clomp hug because she had wanted to congratulate him, and it had been in her arms that Sebastian had lost consciousness for a second time that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason for the shift in tenses was intentional because I wanted to artistically indicate when the events were happening in the given timeline.


	10. Party time.

 Once Sebastian's wounds had healed, Ronald had come up with an idea: a party. Apparently one was held every time a new reaper successful collected their first soul. According to Grell, it had taken Alan months to achieve such a feat, once he had gotten out of the academy. That was after three hospital admissions, a sprained ankle and being hung upside down by his toes by a mischievous demon.

 To Sebastian's dismay and William's annoyance, the party began. The stoic man refused to attend, as he did with every social gathering. The event started at 7pm and wasn't due to end until 1am. Sebastian had tried to leave countless times, only for Grell to drag him back as soon as he ported away. Ciel would have to receive his bedtime milk from Tanaka tonight.

 "Let's ge' this party started, whoop!" Ronald exclaimed, pint of beer in hand.

 "I really do not wish to be surrounded by such ludicrous behaviour." Sebastian stated, disinterest evident in his tone.

 "Don't be such a spoiled sport. Relax, unwind, let y' hair down." Eric said, as he held out a tray of vodka shots to Sebastian.

 With a defeated sigh, Sebastian picked up a shot and downed it in one. Demon's couldn't get intoxicated, after all.

\---

 As the night dragged on, it became apparent that reapers could in fact get drunk, very drunk indeed. Sebastian looked across the room, to see Ronald making out with a chair. Grell was sitting chatting up some 'handsome man' that Sebastian had never seen before. Eric had got a very flush faced Alan pinned up against the wall, hips grinding harshly against the smaller man's. Lips trailed up his neck, hand under Alan's shirt.

\---

 As midnight approached, the door was banged open and manic laughter mixed in with the noise of chit chat and slurs. A familiar silver haired reaper entered, and at that moment Sebastian realised that he wouldn't be getting back to the manor just after 1am. No, this was going to be a long night. A very long night.


	11. Bottoms Up

Sebastian was on his feet, ready to toss various piece of cutlery past the other bar patrons and directly into the flesh of the late arrival. Suddenly, the alcohol that he had previously consumed hit his brain and Sebastian was forced return to his seat in the booth to avoid face planting. 

 _So this how it feels to be drunk_ , Sebastian though, a bit bitter.  _It's much more fun to pretend._

Grell took notice of Undertaker's grande entrance and returned to their booth, dragging Ronald along with her. 

"Noooo don't take me away! Pleeeeassse!! It was gunna lemme give it ta' it good!" Ronald whined as he as flopped on to Sebastian's lap.

 _Young'uns these days._ "If you value your continued existence, it would be wise of you to remove yourself from me, Ronald," Sebastian hissed as a line of drool fell from the reaper's mouth on to his trousers.

"Arnold is an anagram of Ronald, but I like Ronald better," the reaper slurred, pulling himself away as Undertaker approached their table. 

"And 'I wish to kill a particular mortician in a slow and unduly agonizing fashion' is a lipogram describing how I feel at the moment," Sebastian huffed.

"Is it, now?" A familiar floppy hat was removed to reveal stunning yellow-green eyes. "Hello there, butler."

Sebastian shot Undertaker a death glare that rivaled even William's.

"Undertaker, dear! Why ever are you here?" Grell interrupted, followed by nervous laughter. Even buzzed she was aware that if the tension wasn't quickly resolved, the men would end up covered in each others blood by the end of the night. And not in the fun way.

Undertaker grinned. He waved to the bartender and a few moments later another tray of shots was brought over. "I've got quite the game for us in mind, lovelies. I'll play you for  this …," he cackled, pulling the death bookmark from his sleeve. "If you'd be interested. What do you say, butler? Shall be play?"  


	12. Slob.

_Damn that alcohol._ Sebastian was on his feet in an instant, the drink making his anger ten times worse. Making sense fly out of the window. Ronald fell in a heap on the floor in front of him but he stepped over him, towards the silver haired man. 

 "I am not interested in your foolish games! I am no child." He tried to pull the bookmark from the legend's hand but he moved his arm behind his back quickly. 

 His other hand moved in front of his face, a finger being swished side to side. "Now now, Bassy. That is a foolish move. Being a grump will not get you anywhere. You know I like laughter, not moodiness." 

 Sebastian snapped, a poorly aimed fist hitting the air at the side of The Undertaker's head, instead of his face. He grunted and went for a second try. That's when he felt a hand tug the back of his belt and he was pulled to the ground. 

 "Aww, sexy. Don't take your anger out in tha' way. Try this instead." Ronald grinned, before lying on top of him and snogging Sebastian's face off. Spit coated both of their lips and to the demon hybrid's dismay, he found himself enjoying it. A little too much. 

 He could hear the mortician giggling manically and knew Grell was properly jizzing her pants at the sight but he didn't care. He rolled them over and settled between Ronald's legs. His trousers were pulled down, as was his underwear. Soon they were tugged completely off, Sebastian shifting to do so. 

 He pulled his own down and heard Grell shriek at seeing his huge, hard cock. What happened next was not something Sebastian would expect himself to ever sink to doing. But sink he did, straight into the blonde reaper. 

 So this was what a group date, _group sex_ entailed. 


	13. Five for Sebastian Michaels (you go Sebastian Michaels!) ... and none for William Spears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William is bitter, because it's Wednesday. And he forgot to wear pink.

Sebastian woke butt naked on a desk in the dispatch office. Grell was beside him, also naked, smiling like she'd won something. A low groan from a half-conscious Ronald told him that the reaper was currently under said desk.

Someone cleared their throat. Sebastian looked up to see William standing over them, staring at them with an air of disdain. 

Sebastian raised a eyebrow. "When Grell said you were quite the looker, I never imagined she meant like this," he said, widening his pale thighs. 

William didn't seem amused by that. He woke Ronald by kicking him a couple times until Ronald was no longer passed out. "The five of you last night fornicated in public—

_We did indeed._

"—along with that Bene **dict** of a reaper, causing the dispatch be require to pay a substantiation amount of fines  _as well as_ having to pick up the rest of your tab because none of you had the decency to leave a tip! Have you no shame?"

Sebastian spread himself a little more.  

"Honestly, all of you deserve to be punished, but I cannot even reprimand you the traditional fashion because simply saying the word 'punishment' elicits a reaction from Ronald."

"Sorry, boss," came a muffled moan.

"Shut it Ronald. No one wants to deal with your perversions right now. As for the three of you, since you were the ones responsible for the Undertaker escaping, again, I will be requiring you to take remedial lessons at the academy before I permit you to pursue him—"

_Again, with that word choice._

"—a second time. Do I make myself clear?"

Before Sebastian had the chance to respond with a more eloquently phrased version of " _eat my shorts,"_   he suddenly ported out of the dispatch office. After all, his master had summoned him, and like any good butler, Sebastian came anytime Ciel called. 


	14. Put some bloody clothes on!

 

 Sebastian appeared in Ciel's office room. "My lord requires something?"

 Ciel look up at him, from his previous position with his face pressed into his arms. _It seems my master is tired, no doubt from lack of sugar._ "Where have you been, Sebastian?" Ciel glared at him, taking in Sebastian's appearance. "Why are you naked?! What have you been up to while not serving me?!"

 "Nothing, my lord."

 Ciel huffed. "You were not to tell me lies, remember? I demand to know what you have done to get yourself in such a state!"

  _Maybe telling him would be fun. His expression will surely be a treat._ "Well you see Lord, I lay with members of the dispatch last night. Mr Sutcliff, Mr Knox and various others that I do not remember the names of. Sadly, Mr Spears was absent from such bodily pleasures." Sebastian had to hold back a smirk at seeing Ciel's face turn a sickly grey colour.

 "What a disgrace. Damn demon. Just put some bloody clothes on already, that's an order!"

 "Yes, my lord. Do you require anything on my return?"

 "No. I've lost my appetite, thanks to you." _And Grell had said that I looked tasty._

Sebastian left the room, to get some clothes. His head was beginning to pound, his mouth feeling dry and fury. _So this is what a hangover feels like. Guess I'm no longer immune to the effects of alcohol._

_\---_

 Ciel had spent the rest of the morning in a foul mood. As such, he denied breakfast and then lunch. _Well I guess the thought of entering Grell would put most people off of their food. Me? I did not mind it._

Sebastian looked at his pocket watch, to find that it was now two in the afternoon. He ported back to the reaper branch. It was time for training.


	15. Pidgin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No disrespect to Ian Sinclair, but one of the authors of this fic decided to use manga's characterization for Baldroy, and the other author will just have to deal with it.

Sebastian knew he hated dogs. He hated dogs with a passion. However, this remedial class was teaching him to hate a certain species of birds so much more. The reaper who was instructing him, Grell, and Ronald must share William's affinity for speaking in a monotone, sadism, and dumb birds. Fucking dumb stupid birds. It was frustrating, the first priority should be getting the death bookmark back so he could get back to doing what he did best—being one hell of a butler. 

During a break between lectures, Ron whispered to him that they were going out tonight as well, they just weren't going to go "cray-cray" like the night before. 

Sebastian shuddered internally. As …  _interesting_ … as last night was, he didn't know if his hybrid body could handle another round of hangovers and generally just being a light weight.

He couldn't back out now. There was only one person he could phone for advice for alcohol consumption (Agni didn't drink and Lau's method of coping would likely include getting as high as … well as high as Lau)   

Sebastian hid in the bathroom so Grell and Ron wouldn't hear him consulting other sources for information. He pulled out the mobile telephone that Ronald had given him and dialed the number for the Phantomhive residence. Tanaka was the one who answered, and Sebastian had the former butler hand the phone over the person he needed to speak to.

"Baldroy"

"Yo who dis tho?" came the chef's voice, muffled by the cigarette between his lips.

 _Damn Yankees._ "It would be Seba—"

"Eyyy Sebby, how you doin, cuz?"

Sebastian groaned. "Bard, I am in no way blood related to you. I am simply needing your advice on how to—"

"Nah youknowimean. Like literally okay, what can I do ya for?"

"I need you to tell me how to not get drunk so fast."

"You tryin' not to get toe up? That's a damn good thing to be learnin' I do believe."

 _This is England. Speak English._ "Just tell me," Sebastian sighed, "And I shall allow you to prepare dinner for the young master should you tell me."

"Awesome sauce! So here's whatcha gotta do … pace yourself and eat stuff before you drink."

"That's it??"

"Dat's rite. And the other thing you can do is—" 

Their conversation was suddenly cut off by the instructor snatching the phone out of Sebastian's hand, since break time was well over. Sebastian sighed and followed the reaper back to the classroom, nervous of what would become of him later that night.


	16. Pole dancing.

 The lesson came and went, not teaching any of the reapers anything that they did not already know. Even Sebastian found the information to be bland and obvious. Obviously obvious. Still, they would soon be ready to go hunting for The Undertaker and at least then he could snatch that damn bookmark, which he should be able to do now that he wasn't stinking drunk and be able to somehow make himself fully demon again. Not some filthy half blood.

 "So I take it y' will be comin' for a drink tonight then?" Ronald asked.

 "Yes. I will."

 "Awesome! That's my man!"

 Sebastian glared at him. "I am not your man, Knox."

 "But y' did enjoy bangin' me, right?"

 To Sebastian's distain, he felt his trousers becoming tighter at the recollection of himself inside of Ronald. Who knew man whores could feel so tight? "Yes, I did enjoy it."

 "Good. Be needin' ta' do tha' again sometime. By tha' way, William is comin' tonight. Alan somehow convinced him."

 Sebastian's eyes glinted. Seems like The Undertaker wouldn't be the only one he would be pursuing.

\---

 That night, Sebastian made sure to eat something before going to the address that Grell had given him, written on a note and slipped into his boxers. A strip club? Well, a demon of his age should really try everything at least once. He found the four reapers inside, Ronald and Grell watching a man pole dancing on centre stage. Alan and Eric were smooching on a sofa in the corner of the room. _Eric really must learn to control his hands. That poor boy looks like he will surely have a heart attack at any minute._

 William's presence wasn't noticed straight away, until the man came out of the toilets. Sebastian eyed him, getting a boner again! He was dressed in a tight black shirt, buttoned up to his neck. His black trousers also stuck tightly to him, showing off a very large bulge. _My, my William. Is that all you?_

The demon marched up to him quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders and pinning him against the nearest wall. He had found his prey for this evening.


	17. Foe-yay

“What exactly do you think you're doing, demon?” William asked. To be frank, he shouldn't have been surprised to be caught in the strip club between a wall and hard place.

“Half demon now, do recall,” Sebastian witally responded, quickly moving to trap William in his double kabe don of doom. He really had the move down to an art form, especially considering all the nuns he practiced on. Sebastian continued, “And I'm simply acting on the urges instilled in me by my new characteristics. Are all of your kind always 'feeling it so easily'?”

“I hope you're not implying that being a half reaper has turned you into a whore,” William shot back, trying to keep his signature cool long enough to hide how horny he was after spending night after night fucking himself on his death scythe (the blunt end, thank you).

“I'm only a 'whore', as you so vulgarly put it, if I ask you to take me right here in this club in front of everybody, on top of the bar over there, trousers down, shirts on, legs spread wide open and ass up in the air for everyone to see, chanting your name over and over and over again in breathy moans like a mantra because you're hitting my prostate dead on and I'm screaming for it while squeezing my gluts around that erect fat cock of yours to make you come so hard inside me, you'd think you reached heaven for a moment.” Sebastian furrowed his brow, as if he was genuinely concerned. “Am I wrong, Spears?”

Without a second thought, William crashed their lips together in a frenzied, I-hate-you-you're-so- despicable-but-deep-down-I-kind-of-I-love-how-evil-you-are kind of way. Their lips part and they indulged in how wrong it felt to have their tongues slipping over the tender places of the person they held so much loathing for.

Just then, all of the phones went off in the trouser pockets (and in one case, in a pair of red lace panties) of the dispatch officers to alert them of a major incident. They were all due back at the department immediately. The kiss broke and Willam ported away, then Grell, and then Ronald who had been dancing on a table. Sebastian saw Eric disappear next after pulling up his zipper, and after him, an extremely frustrated looking Alan. Sebastian sighed; it was a good thing his body still didn't require sleep—he had a feeling that it was going to be a long, long night.


	18. Legs spread, arse in the air.

 This 'major incident' turned out to be a re-blaze of the 'Great Fire Of London', caused by The Undertaker fiddling about with his bloody bookmark again. Having not been expected, their ledgers were full to the brim with souls needing to be collected. Sebastian headed to his office, to pick up his pink death scythe; an item he wouldn't admit that he was now quite fond of. Who would have thought that Ronald's come would have helped oil the item's blades so well?

 As he picked them up, there was a knock at the door. Who would be coming to his room at this time? There was so much to do, even without interruptions. "Come in." Sebastian stated. His confusion grew when William entered. What was HE doing here at a time like this? Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. "Is there something you require, Mr Spears? We are quite busy, if you haven't already been informed of such."

 "I was in the room when we were briefed. However, there are more pressing matters to attend to."

 "And what would those be?"

 William adjusted his glasses, before walking up to him. "I thought you wanted to make me feel as if I'd reached heaven?"

 With a smirk, the hybrid replied. "So you do wish to be inside of me? A demon; filthy and vulgar like I?

 "You have tempted me."

\----

 A few minutes later, Sebastian found himself bent over his desk, bottom clothes pulled down and shirt still on. William was ramming into him from behind, groans of ecstasy leaving him. _So fat cock it truly is then._ A hand wrapped around him, pumping with own large cock off at lightening speed. The hybrid gripped the end of the desk he wasn't being fucked against, a sharp cry being pulled from him as he squirted thick cum into the other's hand.

 William pummelled him some more, before he also came. _Looks like chilly willy did need some stress relief after all._  


	19. Perks of Being a Reaper

London burning was normally fun for a demon, but tonight Sebastian was particularly exhausted and wanted nothing more than to return to the manor and fall asleep after a night of vigorous exercise. 

He was in the middle of collecting the soul of a man (Tristan Thorn, born 1865 to Dustin Thorn and an unknown slave girl. Perished September 10th, 1890 trying to climb over a wall. No further remarks) when his hybrid heart started to beat quickly. Sebastian doubled over in pain.

Eric saw Sebastian in agony and left Alan's side to care for his new coworker. "Uppsy-daisy," the blonde said, before slinging Sebastian over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Sebastian wasn't as light as Alan, but Eric was three quarters English and one quarter bear, so he could handle it. 

 

\-----------

 

Eric carried Sebastian back to the office so the whole gang could diagnosis him. Alan complained the more logical thing to do was to bring Sebastian to the infirmary, but Sebastian was broke and couldn't pay out-of-pocket, plus no one ever listened to Alan anyway.

Sebastian was laid out on to the desk he and William had christened early that evening. Grell, Ronald, William, Eric, and Alan were gathered around him, all with grim expressions on their faces.

William spoke first. "Mr Michaelis, you were attacked on your first collection, were you not? By a cinematic record?"

Ronald and Grell nodded before Sebastian could respond.

William sighed. "We believe you have contracted Thorns."


	20. Sleep.

Too ill to work, Sebastian was given the rest of his shift off. Yet, he now found himself not at the manor but at William's flat, cuddled up in the stoic man's arms.

 "So it appears as if I am dying." The hybrid stated dryly.

 "Yes. You will be dead in a month, unless ..." He trailed off, deep in thought.

 "Unless what?"

 "Unless you can catch that loon and get him to change you back into a demon. I'm sure demons cannot die of such diseases, for they lack the heart needed for infection."

 "How cold of you."

 William adjusted his glasses. "At what point did I say that I would stop sleeping with you, if you became a demon again?"

"You did not."  _Willy, you scoundrel._


	21. Don't quit your day job

“Senpai, how did y' stand doing this while y' were moonlighting as a butler?” Ronald complained to Grell from in the Phantomhive kitchen sink, washing a mountain of dirty dishes. Eric, and Alan were also present, concentrating on their own portion of the prep-work. After all, someone had take over Sebastian's job while the demon/reaper was dying a slow and agonizing death from a incurable disease caused by rogue cinematic records getting all up in him and strangling his heart.

Ronald had been assigned other kitchen tasks, but dish washing was the only chore he didn't fuck up worse than the servants normally did (no, you cannot use your death scythe to slice the ham, it will cut through the meat, the cutting board, the table, the floor, and—Oh really? Vrum-vrum-vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr … whoops, my bad), so that's what he was stuck doing until William and Sebastian finished hammering out a plan, instead of each other.

“It's actually really simple, darling,” Grell said with a smile. “I was merely playing my role. I am the world's best actress. I can fake pretty much anything.”

The rhythmic sound of vegetables being diced stopped suddenly as Eric shot Grell a glance covered with venom. Alan looked between both of them and let out an annoyed huff.

“Hey y'all” Bard said with his American accent as he entered the kitchen. “My man Tanaka, he's uh told me that we's gots to be peeling these taters cause we's gonna be putting them into a casserole, you feel?”

“Um, yeah … I feel??” Ronald responded, unsure whether or not he gave the correct answer. He dried his hands off to try to begin prepping the potatoes, but Grell steered him back toward the sink.

“Aghg … more dishes?” Ronald grumbled. “Can't I just die of the Thorns instead?”

Alan choked out a sob and ran out of the room, crying.

"Geez, the kid musta got real attached Bassy. Poor thing," Ronald said as he finished washing the remaining plates.


	22. Feel.

 Dinner preparations were complete (on time for once). The reapers left to go back to branch, Ronald walking like he'd been fucked by an elephant. He hadn't, though he had had a good 'feel' of Baldroy, right up his back passage.

\------

 A meeting had been called, to discuss Sebastian's condition and just how they were going to catch the Undertaker.

 "We could leave a trail of dog biscuits for the old loon." Ronald suggested.

 "No. We should wait until he creeps into his coffin bed and lock it." Eric replied.

 "That's just plain dumb." Grell stated. "He'd hear a bear like you approach from a mile away."

 "How about I go into the funeral parlour, dressed in a gimp suit?" Ronald asked.

 "Hunny, your bottom has been ripped open enough for today." Grell replied.

 The two toned reaper sighed. "True but come on, y' did enjoy watchin'."

 "That I did, darling."

 "What idiotic ideas." William huffed. "Honestly, I'm surrounded by complete morons."

 "Jus' because y' wanna' see me in a gimp suit."

 "Pardon me." Sebastian interrupted. "But I have an idea."

 "Hmm?" Grell asked.

 "Well, Alan likes to dress up in that white and brown dress of his. Maybe he can seduce the Undertaker and we can steal the bookmark, while he is distracted?"

 Eric looked at him. "Tha' jus' might work. Though he best not seduce him too much. Tha' tight lil' butt of his is all mine."

 Sebastian smiled. "But of course. Now we just have to find the sobbing mess of an employee and convince him to participate."


	23. Alan takes one for the team

“Ahh … angh … oh god, Eric, please I can't—”

“Rrgh … quit ya' yapping, Al. We both know y' like a good amount of pain.”

“But … it's so … tight this time! Oh … oh … ahh!”

“Shit, I think I just tore somethin'.”

“Aghgh fucking damn it, Eric! You were doing it wrong! I told you! I always get it on better without you, even if I can't do the last few inches by myself!”

“Yeah, well if y' wanna dislocate ya' shoulders, then be my guest!”

“Eric, do you require assistance?” Sebastian asked from across the room. “Thanks to the young master, I'm well practiced at this activity.”

“Nah, Al here just has ta … agh … suck it up and take it like a man.”

“How sexist,” Grell huffed from her place on the sofa. Ronald put a consoling arm around her.

“Honestly,” cut in William's contempt filled voice. “was it necessary to conduct this in my living room? It's obscene.”

“It's just a corset they're lacing, dear,” Sebastian said, shooting William a cheeky smile. “It could be worse, Eric doesn't even have his dick shoved up Alan, yet.”

“Y' know, Bassy, I don't see how that's worse, I mean—”

“Ronald.”

“Ya, boss?”

“Shut up.”

The corset laces where tied in a neat bow at the base of Alan's spine. The reaper slipped into a formal dress and spun to face them, curtsying as the hem of the skirts swung around his ankles.

Ronald whistled, crossing his legs. “Hot as hell.”

Grell nodded in agreement.

“Not exactly,” said Sebastian, “although as convoluted as this plan is, I now have faith that it might actually succeed.”


	24. Hell no.

"Yoo - hoo." A disguised Alan swayed into The Undertaker's funeral parlour, almost tripping over his gigantic heels, while Grell, Ronald, Eric, Sebastian and William appeared in the back room of the business.

The undertaker looked over at Alan. "Oh ... my, my. What is a beauty such as yourself doing here? Wishing for an early grave?"

"No. My father passed away. I need a coffin for him." Alan blotted his eyes with a handkerchief, though no tears had fallen and then smiled. "But I feel much better now, with a handsome man like you standing in front of me."

\----

"Why is he talkin' with such a stupid fuckin' voice? He sounds like a knob has been shoved too far up his arse." Eric whispered.

"Your knob." Ronald added.

William glared at them both. "You two, silence yourself. We must lie in wait until the opportune moment. I have no doubt that the bookmark is somewhere on his person."

"And then we can pounce on that gorgeous man and take what we desire." Grell purred.

\---

Back in the other room, Undertaker looked at Alan and laughed. "You are interested in an old man like me?"

"Maybe I am." Alan fluttered flake lashes at him.

"That is interesting."

"Interesting? How so?"

The Undertaker learnt forward, a wide grin of his face. In an instant, his hand had pulled Alan's wig from him. "Because aren't you the one that the blondie always has bent over? Tut - tut. You'll have to do much better than that if you wish to fool me. Unless ... you really do fancy me." His lips crashed against a shocked Alan's, who promptly fainted.

\----

Eric scowled. "Shit."


	25. Dammit Alan! You had ONE job

Eric jumped out of their hiding spot, charging full speed at the Undertaker, death scythe in hand. Grell, Ronald, and William ran after him, yelling for him to come back. Without the element of surprise, engaging the mortician in a fight meant you were either suicidal or a dumbass … but then again Slingby had always been a bit of both.

Sebastian reluctantly followed the rest of the group. Eric had been knocked on his backside and Grell and Ronald were helping him up. William was taking on the Undertaker, and the two senior reapers were sparing it out.

“Michaelis, take Alan and port out of here!” shouted William.

Sebastian hesitated. As reluctant as he was at getting shishkebabed again, William was clearly out matched. However, before he could join the fight, Ronald screamed at him…

“Keep t' the Code, man! Keep t' the Code!”

“What the hell is 'the Code'? Is that the one about the group date?”

Before Ronald could explain, Grell grabbed on to Sebastian and Alan, porting back to the Dispatch. Ronald followed with Eric seconds later.

\---------

William was alone in the main room of the funeral parlour, the Undertaker in the back of the shop, putting a kettle on. As expected, the two of them had stopped fighting moments after the others had left. They had … history together.

William breathed out as Undertaker came back into the room. He sure was rusty at this skill, but he would not accept defeat so easily. Alan's mission would have to be completed, one way or another. William loosed the tie at his neck and popped open the top three buttons of his shirt. He leaned his back against a coffin, summoning a coy smile to his lips.

“Oh Undertaker~!”


	26. Kiss from prince charming.

Undertaker turned around the face William, his eyes lighting up from under his fringe. "My, my. Chilli Willy must really want to save Bassy from his thorny demise." 

"How did you know that?" 

"I am the holder of important information. You cannot save him without that bookmark though." 

"Which is why I have come here." 

"Then you know where it is." 

William sighed in defeat. He wouldn't even get paid over for this. 

\-----

Eric was busy fanning Alan with the frilly fan that matched his dress. "Come on, Al. Wake up already." 

"I've got an idea." Ronald grinned, before jumping off of the office desk he was sitting on and throwing his glass of water in Alan's face. "Nope. That was a fail." 

Eric grunted at him, before sighing. "Dammit, was tha' old codger's kiss really so good? Why don't ya' ever faint when I do tha'?" 

"Maybe try kissing him. It might revive him. It would be ever so romantic." Grell cooed. 

"Yeah ... and if that's a fail, I'll try a wet willy and then an Indian burn." Ronald added. 

"Don't even think about it. Tha' kiss is worth a try though." He bent down, tongue sliding into Alan's mouth. The poor damsel almost choked on it but with a splutter and a cough, he awoke. 

Ronald grinned. "A real prince charming y' are." 

\-----

William entered the main room of the funeral home, a look of disdain of his face. He was wearing this God awful outfit yet again. A leather piece that just looked like straps attached to each other. His ass was on show, as were his cock and balls. 

"Well, welcome back Willamina." Undertaker giggled, before turning serious for a change. "On all fours for me." 

Willamina glared but did as he was told. _This is EXACTLY why I dumped you! Hellish fetish._

The silver hair man pulled his undergarments down and off from under his robe, also pulling out a ball gag from his pocket. Kneeling up behind the reaper, he gagged him and then spat on his own hand, lubing himself up. He pushed in all the way in one quick motion, making a muffled gasp leave Willamina. 

The rest of the day would be spent being whipped, fucked, nipple clamped and fucked again. And Alan thought he'd had it rough. 


	27. You know you ship it too

Cool fingers stroked the cleft of William's rear, trailing across the puckered hole in gentle, teasing motions. A first digit was carefully pushed in, thrusting with a lazy rhythm. William moaned into the face of the casket he was currently being bent over, the fingers ramming deep inside of him.

It took a great deal of concentration, but he was able to huff out "Having fun?"

The Undertaker removed the dead woman's arm from William's ass. "Not when you aren't, Willy. You've changed."

"Indeed." He turned, leaning his bare back against the casket and righting his glasses. The Undertaker stood away from him.

"I haven't forced you to have sex with me," the old mortician said plainly. William nodded. "I'd have given you the death bookmark had you asked for it, you know."

"I do not wish to be indebted to you. As we are now even, I shall be taking my leave with it." William started fishing around for his trousers and underwear on the floor amid the other articles of clothing (nun habit, cheerleader uniform, gimp suit, dog collar, bikini, ski mask, et cetera).

"Sebastian might be the flavor of the month, but vanilla by any other name still taste like plain boring vanilla."

"How strange," William said, finding his clothing under the Easter bunny costume and a pair of panties that used to belong to Grell, "I've been penetrated in a multitude of positions over the past six hours, and yet you're the one who sounds butt hurt." He began to redress himself.

The Undertaker sighed and held out the pink bookmark for him to take. "I just want what's best for you, Willy. That and a good bit of fun, that was all this ever was."

William eyed the bookmark, pausing with the flies of his trousers halfway done up. "Perhaps we can go at it once more … for old time's sake?"

Rigor mortis never struck two deceased men so quickly.


	28. Infamy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yup. So this happened.

Meanwhile, Ronald had snuck away from the reapers and dainty damsel. He had a hot date but was already late.

Walking into his apartment, he eyed his partner for the afternoon. His prized chair, stolen from the pub. He swayed over to it. "Hey babe. Sorry 'bout Sebby. He really didn't mean anythin' ta' me." Met with silence, he said "come on babe, don't be like tha'. He bent down to kiss the chair along the top of its back rest. "I'm all yours tonight."

 Satisfied that the chair no longer held a grudge against him, he stripped off slowly, hand teasingly trailing down his stomach and then into his underwear. Boxers then removed, his hand worked himself into hardness.

 He retrieved some massage oil from the bathroom before turning the chair on its back and lying down himself. The chair was pulled closer, one leg being oiled up.

 It was forced deeply inside of him, Ronald letting out a loud groan. "Ah ... yeah ... just like ... tha'." He began to pull the leg forward more, hips pressing onto it. It found his prostate and Ronald rammed it deeply against that spot. "Oh ... fuck. Fuck ...."

Pleasure began to churn in his stomach, his body thinly coated in sweat. "Ah ... y' so ... good at this." His member was grabbed in his other hand roughly, Ronald jerking off with all his might. Soon he came, toes curling against the carpet. Spunk squirted onto the bottom of the chair and Ronald flopped back against the floor, chair leg still firmly wedged up him. "Now that's some good metal."


	29. Meanwhile at the Dispatch...

Alan sat up with a start, coughing and gagging. Eric was on on the floor of the dispatch office next to him, gagging as well. Grell and looked over them, concerned. Sebastian was facepalming.

"Ughgh fuck Al, y' fuckin' taste like fuckin' formaldehyde. Water! Water!" Eric begged, mid-retch.

"My apologies, I couldn't seem to find any—" Sebastian was cut off by Eric yanking him down by the tie and smashing their lips together.

“Ohhh Eric, use that tongue!” Grell cheered, before going over to console Alan, who had started sobbing because everyone had forgotten about him, again.

“Ah, so that's how Mr Humphries tastes,” Sebastian mussed, breaking away from Eric. “Passable.”

Grell helped Alan stand up. Alan looked Eric over, sadness quickly replaced by cold fury. “Eric, can I talk to you? In private. Now.”

"Yes, sir." Eric hung his head and the couple quickly left the room.

“Oh dear, Eric is about to get it, and not in the arse,” Grell said, laughing to herself. “I have to wonder where Ronald has gone off to … he's about to miss one _hell_ of a show.”

Sebastian glared at her bitterly for stealing his catchphrase, and silently hoped William would hurry back before everything went to shit.

\------

"… didn't mean y' always taste bad, I mean y' could stand to add more fruits to your diet, but that's not what—”

“But why did you have to kiss him like that?”

“Al, y' know tha' kiss was purely functional!”

“Then … why did you get hard?"

"I don't … it's just … he reminds me of ya', babe."

"What do you mean? Sebastian and I don't have anything in common—oh fuck you Eric!"

\------

Alan stormed back into the main office and shut the door, locking Eric out. Alan looked around to find only Sebastian left in the room with him.  


	30. Meanwhile, back at the shack of corpses.

William and Undertaker were going at it for old time's sake. Vigorously going at it. Well ... sort of. William had a glass test tube wedged deeply up him, his partner for the day pulling it almost all the way out before shoving it fully back inside with as much force as he could muster. 

Spears groaned loudly, his back arching up, come leaking from him. The tube was removed completely and William's legs lifted up and bent, pushing his gaping hole into the air. Undertaker eyed it with appreciation, before leaning over and entering the other man, beginning to pile drive down into him roughly. 

\----

Back at dispatch, Sebastian sighed. He was sitting on a stool, as he had been for a while. As did everyone except Eric, he was ignoring Alan but was also extremely sexually frustrated.

The door was being banged heavily, Eric cussing loudly. Eventually, he used some common sense and sliced the door in half with his death scythe. 

Racing into the room, he pulled Alan into a hug. "Al, babe, I'm so sorry for upsettin' y'. Y' tha' only person I ever wanna' kiss." 

Alan couldn't help but blush. "That's ... so sweet. It's okay, Eric, I forgive you. I - Eric, you're ... still hard." 

Eric smirked, sinking into the floor with Alan. "It's all for y', sexy." He ceased with his hug and pushed Alan's back to the floor. 

"Eric ... we shouldn't. Sebastian's here!" 

"Let him watch." He bent over Alan, pushing the skirt of the dress up and rubbing his hand against Alan's underwear. 

"No -." Alan let out a soft moan. "Okay ... just this once." 

Sebastian sighed again, Alan being quickly prepped and then fucked on the floor. He was beginning to consider joining in. 


	31. Regroup time!

“Oh! Willy, you've returned!” Grell exclaimed, spinning on the spot in middle of the Dispatch hallway. She stopped mid-rotation as the bodysmell that clung to his skin and clothing reached her. “Goodness … has something crawled inside you and died?”

“Not in that order, Sutcliff.” He continued into the office, neglecting to note or heed the roughly sawed door that was swinging from its hinges, the warning from the pestering red reaper by his side, and the crescendo-ing moans coming from within.

“Ah ... Eric! Yes! Oh … yes! Please … ah!”

“Honestly,” William said, the 2.5 reapers already in the room suddenly becoming aware of his presence.

Eric grunted as he orgasmed, quickly pulling out of a very frustrated Alan and pulling up his trousers. “Hiya chief,” he responded, breathing heavily between words.

William ignored the pair, pulling a slip of pink from his pocket to show Sebastian.

The hybrid smiled devilishly and pulled his reaper into a deep kiss as soon as he reached him.

Suddenly Ronald appeared, looking quite rejuvenated. William and Sebastian jumped apart like startled bunnies.

“Hey Boss! Wha'd I miss?”


	32. So ... what n - oh ... fuck!!!!

Ronald spotted the pink item in William's hand. "Oh ... ace! Y' got tha' bookmark."

The supervisor pulled away from the kiss. "I would have thought that that was obvious given the fact that it is in my hand."

 "Wha' do we do now then?" Eric asked. 

 "Simple." Sebastian stated. "Me and William - Mr Spears will locate my cinematic record in the library and proceed from there." 

"Sweet. Eh ... I'm kinda' gunna' miss ya'." Alan shot Eric a look of disgust.  _Miss the taste of his tongue down your throat, that's for sure._

"Yeah, me too." Ronald stated. Yes Ronald, you're going to miss his - never mind,  let's not go there. "Group hug?" 

"Hell yeah!" Eric cheered, dragging Alan to his feet. Grell squeaked in delight and William and Sebastian soon found themselves squeezed between three reapers and one angry damsel. 

\-----

Still recovering from force of the hug, William and Sebastian ported to the library and found the records marked under 'm.' 

Sebastian scanned them. "Mad Max. Hmm no. Mad Eye Moody - oh dear, too far. Ah, here we -." He stopped mid sentence. There was an empty space where his record should have been, only a note visible on the gap in the shelf. He pulled it out and read it. 

'Tehehehehehehe! Not so fast!' 

Damn Undertaker! 


	33. Dead Girl Walkin'

Sebastian stood in front of the shelf where his cinematic record was meant to be, still in utter shock.

“Sebastian, please, tell me what you're thinki—”

He could hear William standing next to him, desperately trying to garner a response of some kind from him, but his voice seemed so far away and all Sebastian could do was stare through him.

“—find another way, I guarantee you. But allo—”

“I have to go,” Sebastian managed to squeak out. Then he ported away.

* * *

 

“Ya look like your havin' yourself a cliché, there.”

Sebastian groaned internally. “One does not use the word 'cliché' in that way.”

Ronald crossed his arms, blowing a bit of hair out of his face. “Sure 'bout that, Bassy? Seems to me like y' goin' through an existential crisis lyin' on your back in the middle of conspicuously deserted London street staring up at the night sky…”

“Ronald, shut up.”

“I'm not gunna. Ya know the boss has been out lookin' for y' all day. Everyone has. Even the brat's been pullin' some strings.”

“Bocchan?”

“Who? Nah, the Phantomhive kid. About 'yay' high, blue/black hair, eyepatch, sounds congested all the time…”

“Yes, yes.”

“Wha' I'm sayin' is that y' can't give just up. We're gunna find another way to get y' and Al cured.”

“I refuse to be pep-talked by you of all people,” Sebastian said with a sigh, leaning his head back against the cobble stones.

“Fine then.” Ronald lay down in the street next to him.

“Ronald.”

“Huh?”

“I'm not engaging in sex with you in the middle of this street.”

“Your loss.” Ronald stretched his body out, restlessly trying to get comfortable. He sighed, audibly, igniting a desire in the halfling beside him to reach for the lawnmower resting at their feet and splice the reaper from balls to coif. “Wha' I'm tryin' to say's that you're a demon, right? Tearin' into the lil' souls of boys and girls…”

Sebastian let out a affirmative “hmm.”

“Ya can't let somethin' like Thorns beat y' down. Be the bigger evil. Ya wanna be a demon again, act like one.”

Sebastian sat up with a start. “I wish to be a demon again!” he exclaimed, yanking Ronald up by the shirtfront and crushing their lips together in a biting, open mouth kiss. Sebastian broke away panting. “Thank you, Ronald. Please phone Mr Humphries and inform him that neither of us will be killed by this retched affliction!”

After all, there is more than one way to become a demon. Time to visit the ex!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Ronald likes it when Sebastian has epiphanies)
> 
> (Ronald wouldn't have engaged in public sex even if Sebastian offered, as he is now spoken for.)
> 
> (The previous statement is a blatant lie. Ronald and his sexual partner are in a functioning open relationship)
> 
> (Stools are very open minded.)


	34. Ronald gets laid - a - fuckin - gain.

Ronald trailed his hand up Sebastian's chest. "So ... now tha' I've cheered y' up some, do I ge' a reward?"

"No."

"Er ... why not?"

"You are in a relationship - with a chair, I might add."

"H ... how did y' know 'bout tha'?" Ronald gaped at him. 

"I may only be half demon at this present time but even a half blood like me knows more than any reaper could ever hope to."

"That's ... wack. Come on, one fuck won't hurt."

"You would cheat on your beloved chair?"

"We're in an open relationship. My baby understands my needs." Ronald beamed. "Best partner tha' I could ever hope for." 

"Very well then." Sebastian got onto Ronald, straddling his hips and pinning his arms above his head. 

"Haha ... so you'd cheat on Will?"

"He slept with Undertaker. It is time to even the score, and I am feeling rather promiscuous at the moment. I was almost ready to slam Mr Humphries into the floor." 

"Who?"

"Alan? We were talking about him only moments ago. Has all the blood left your brain already for lower regions?"

"Yeah ... really has. Oh ... right, THAT Alan." Once again, someone had forgotten about the sickly brunette. 

 -------

And so, yet again Ronald found himself with no pants on, being fucked roughly up the ass. "Ah ... nnn ...." The street remained suspiciously deserted. "Nnn ... fuck! Harder!" 

"As you wish." Sebastian sunk in balls deep, before pulling quickly out and slamming back inside of the blonde. 

"Oh ... shit!" 

\------

"Are you going to remain lying there with your trousers around your ankles?" Sebastian asked, tucking himself back into place. 

"It's ... still ... fuckin' throbbin'." Ronald panted. "Tha' was a good bang." 

"Indeed it was."

"So ... which ex are we talkin' 'bout? Tanaka?"

"Excuse me?"

"I checked y' cinematic record way back wi' Grell. She was right pissed when she found out y' was screwin' tha' old sod." 

"Before I turned into a reaper?"

"Yup. Y' even got it on wi' tha' pup, dirty bastard. Thought y' had more of a thing for pussies."

"There were no nekos available." 

"Ah ... good point."

"And no ... it is not him. I was referring to someone else."

"Who?"

"You will find out in a few hours, do not worry."

"Alright ... so wanna' go for round two?"

"I have no reason to decline. " 

\------

The door to Sebastian's ex's was knocked on. It was soon opened and Sebastian smiled at the stunned looking demon in front of him. "Hello Claude." 


	35. "Fairy" Godmother

Cluade stood in the doorway, refusing to move. Sebastian and Ronald were forced to awkwardly stand on the porch of the Trancy Manor in a way that suggested that their pitch was going to be more along the lines of “we are in your neighborhood sharing the bible” or “dictionaries: two for one!” instead of “please turn Sebastian into a full fledged demon again because he's dying of Thrones.”

“Michaelis,” Claude said with a disgusted sniff. “Another lifestyle change for the worse, I see.”

“Oh, Bassy and me, we ain't a couple or anythin' if that's what ya' thinkin.” Ronald frantically explained.

“I assumed as much. What kind of butler would be satisfied in a powder room whose curtains must be clashing so hideously with the drapes?”

“So you can tell I'm no longer fully a demon,” Sebastian cut in before Ronald had the chance to respond.  
'  
“Ah, yes. You smell like a mutt in heat.”

“And I'd be in your debt if you do me this one favor, Claude. Turn me into a demon again.”

“What possibly could I want from you, Michaelis? I already live with one twink, you didn't have to bring me another as an offering.”

“I'm not a twink!”

“Shut up, Ronald.” Sebastian reached for Claude's arm, only to be swatted away. “You'd really stand by and have me killed by this disease, while you alone hold the cure?”

“I've moved on from you. Surprised? Which is more than you can say of yourself. Your new lover, if I might hazard a guess, would he be a well-dressed, black-haired, glasses character who finds pleasure in rough semi-public sex?”

“Damnnn Bassy … you've got a type.”

“Claude … please. Don't make me beg.”

“I mean not to be petty, but for what reason do you have for not asking your current. Hm? Don't tell me you're feeling … nostalgic?”

“He can't … my new love is … is a... r- re...”

“He's bangin' a reaper, mate.”

“Him? And a reaper?!” Claude burst out laughing, needing to clutch to door frame to keep himself upright. “MICHAELIS! Oh good gracious, hell DOES have a sense humor to it besides eye gouging and sodomy! What ever do you even do together? Watch cinematic records and chill?”

Sebastian blushed redder than Mey-rin caught with her fingers up her skirt.

“Very well then,” Claude announced when he finally caught his breath (which biologically wasn't necessary; he only did it to make Sebastian squirm a few seconds long.) “Just this once, I will save your life.”

“I think you'll like how we pay back favors,” Ronald said with a grin, looking Claude over: head to dick to toes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tosses it back to you, dear. *blows a kiss*


	36. Anal pap test - sorta'?

 Claude shot him a glare. "Why would I want a favour from someone who smells and looks like they've been dipped in mustard?"

"Eh ... because I'm good wi' my mouth?" Before Claude could reply, Ronald was on his knees, hand dipped into Claude's trousers.

"Excuse me but -" Claude groaned as he was pulled from his clothed confines and roughly sucked on. "W ... what do you think ... you are doing?"

"Oh, don't mind him." Sebastian smiled sweetly. "He is just the branch's resident whore."

Claude let out a shuddering breath. "At least this whore ... cannot spread syphilis."

"How true."

Claude then spent the next five minutes trying to choke Ronald with his cock.

\-------

Sebastian now found himself tied to a metal table, legs spread and bent back with the use of more iron chains. The inside of his knees were almost touching the sides of his head - flexible indeed.

"Eurgh ... wha' is tha' stuff?" Ronald pulled a face and went pale at seeing Claude mixing up a substance in a small bowl.

"Eye of newt, bit of pubic hair, canine anal gland secretions, amoung other things. You know ... the usual."

"That'll cure him?"

Claude smirked. "It will indeed."

"Stinks like shit."

"Of course, that is an important ingredient."

"So ... how exactly does this work?"

"You ask too many questions."

"I'll give y' another suck later if y' tell me."

"To turn a mongrel back into a purebred demon, you must fill him with so many rotten things."

"Fill him?"

"Indeed." Claude placed the bowl on the side and grabbed a metal device with two prongs and a circle.

"Claude, what -?" Sebastian gasped as the metal slid into him. Claude twisted the device and the prongs opened him wider. "Nnn ...."

"Weren't you the one begging for a cure?" Claude smirked at him.

"I did not expect to be ripped open." Claude twisted the device again. "Nghhn...."

"What did you think would happen when I tied you to a table in that position?"

"Honestly ... sex."

"Indeed." Claude moved away, unbuttoning his trousers and pulling himself through the opening of them. The mixture was grabbed and used to coat the end of his member. "You will receive what you desire."

"You ... are not putting that vile subtance up there! It'll sting like the fire pits of hell! Can't I just ingest it!?"

"It'll work faster through anal means." Claude drew closer to him, cock sliding through the circle of the device and into Sebastian.

Sebastian's eyes widened after a few moments. Not from being fucked in a barbaric manner - no, that he didn't mind - but from the inner ring sting that the substance was causing. "Oh ... Lord in -."

"You say heaven and my penis will be gagging you for days."

"Nnn ... damn demon." Sebastian's vision began to cloud, his body feeling as is it was on fire.

"Hey babe." Ronald said. "Once he's all demon again, can I 'ave a go at tha'? You know, minus tha' stinkin' goo."

"But of course, mustard breath. I would quite like to see you being ripped open."

"Sweet!"


	37. Naming a chapter the "penultimate" chapter is fucking cheesy

Eric's dick was hard and pressing against the fabric of his pants. He was trying his best to seem like he wasn't aroused, but it was difficult when a his boyfriend was three feet away, fucking himself on Claude's dick.

“Ohhh ohh ohh yes yes YES oh mmmh...”

“Hey, Ricky, Al sure is a noisy one,” Ronald remarked from his position sprawled naked at the foot of the bed.

“He really does seem to be,” Grell added on, stoking Ronald's hair. It was only the five of them at the Trancy Manor at the moment. Sebastian, now a full demon went back to the Dispatch to make up with William and to wash the nasty concoction of death out from his hole. Hannah was outside flogging the triplets in full steampunk fetish gear, and Alois was somewhere else, kicking puppies and downing kittens.

“Al, can y' stop lookin' at me while you two are fuckin'?”

“Mhh … think of it as … ah … pay back for all the time you left me hanging, ERICCCC!!!”

“Did he just...” Grell asked, incredulous.

“He did indeed! That was an orgasm! Halle-fucking-lujah.”

Alan pulled himself off of Claude, shyly kissing his lips. Ronald quickly took Alan's place.

Now a newly turned demon, Alan sauntered over to Eric in the corner.

Eric took one look into Alan's glowing, rose coloured eyes and his still dripping dick and dropped down on his knees.

Grell let out a manic laugh threw a dollar at them.

 

 


	38. Ending chapter - Eric takes it up the ass for a change.

Sebastian and William had 'made up' at the branch and the whole gang were now in Ciel's bed chamber, the boy being preoccupied by Lizzy downstairs. Eric was pressed against the wall, legs wrapped around Alan's wait. Damn that demon strength. Also, demon Alan seemed a lot more commanding and Eric was unsure whether to feel scared or enthralled. "Ah ... Al ... has ya' dick grown?!" Hnn ... fuck!"

Alan's red eyes glowed excitedly. "Maybe."

"Hmm ... ya' gonna' rip me in two!"

"Are you complaining?"

"Hell ... fuckin' no."

Grell, Ronald, Claude, Sebastian and William were having an orgy on the bed, though William was keeping far away from the spider demon. One up him was enough. He wasn't one for double penetration - though he hadn't been one for dead hand penetration either and he'd gotten used to that. Maybe next time, he could compromise? Baldroy was there too, though he kept frowning. "What's with the eyes, man?"

"Don't worry 'bout tha'!" Ronald shouted. "Ya' probs jus' high."

"Oh ... yeah, true."

"J ... jus' keep fuckin' me."

"Hnn ... yep."

Grell was the one on spidey's dick, rocking back and forth.  "Ohh ... darling, aren't you a large one?"

Claude smirked. "All the better to ... pound you with."

\-----

Half way through their actions, the door was opened, Ciel coming into the room. "Sebastian, I want - what the hell is going on in here, damned demon!?"

"Adult things." Ronald managed to groan out. "Go and ... snog y' girlfriend or somethin'. Y' too young ta' see this."

"She is my fiancé! How dare you! Sebastian, stop this at once!"

A smirk was brought to Sebastian's lips. "No, my lord."

Baldroy pulled out of Ronald roughly and moved to Ciel, grabbing him by the collar and throwing him from the room. "Get out of here, you lil' brat!" The door was slammed in the young lord's face and locked.

He banged on the door harshly. "I am your master, idiot cook! Bring Sebastian to me!"

"Let's drown out the little one's annoying shouts." Grell smiled.

Her fuck buddy nodded. "Wonderful idea."

\----

A sudden gust of wind signalled another reaper's arrival. Undertaker giggled. "Oh ... my, my ... what do we have here?"

William went ridged. "Get out of here!"

"But I'd like to join in. Wouldn't you like the legendary reaper inside of you - again? Tehehehehe!"

"What the fuck is a reaper?" Baldroy questioned.

Ronald grinned. "Nothin', babe, y' jus' keep bangin', okay?" He turned to Undertaker. "Yeah, yeah, we can totally forget 'bout tha' past for a couple of hours. Find a hole and hop in."

"Excellent." UT giggled and jumped on the bed. "A hole ... any hole - ah, this one will do!" He pushed Grell off of Claude and flipped the demon on his stomach.

A gasp was heard. "Do you mind?!"

\----

Yes, he may not be part reaper anymore. He may be back working for that sniffy brat, but Sebastian would definetly not be losing touch with any of the reapers from the London dispatch unit. It had been too much fun and even though Undertaker royally fucked his life up, he was somewhat thankful to him. Without the dastardly reaper, he'd have never got a bang - hundreds of bangs.  

**\----End ----**

 

 

***Deleted scenes from different chapters.***

***** Xbertyx's - Tanaka's pubes fucking chapter. (36) ******

Ronald took Sebastian's previous position, kneecaps touching his ears. Claude was quick to slam into him, pounding the living shit out of the reaper from the first thrust. The blonde groaned loudly. "Oh ... fuck. Big ... dick, hnnn ...."

"Are ... hmm ... you surprised?"

"Eh ... guess not."

"And you are quite tight, for a slut, at least."

"Umm ... thanks?"

\-----

*****Dance4thedead's outtakes / deleted scenes.*****

William: Honestly, I can't understand where you acquired the title "Senpai" for addressing Sutcliff.

Ron: Really boss, y' don't know?

William: I don't see how the knowledge of foreign terms is pennant to my responsibilities.  

Ron: Well ... she's kind of a weeb.

 

\-------

 

"Geez, the boss man's been in a fit ever since tha' demon turned into one of us. I think this is tha' most emotion I've ever seen from the guy. "

"Maybe he could get Thorns?"

"Alan, tha' isnt' funny."

"I thought it was."

 

\-----

 

Sebastian woke to the taste of cherry chapsticked lips pressing against mouth and a hand groping at his bare back. His eyes flew open to see a garishly red and flesh toned shaped blob making out with him.

"Morning sunshine," said blob as she broke off the kiss and slipped Sebastian's glasses on to his face for him. "Or should I say sunshine-s?"

Sebastian looked over to see William still asleep on the floor of the office next to him, naked.

 

\-----

 

This was written after Xbertyx claimed that SebAlan couldn't/shouldn't be a thing:

 

Sebastian lay Alan back on the the carpet under William's dining room table. William and Eric were currently out pursuing another lead on the Undertaker, leaving the reaper and the demon hybrid alone.

Sebastian's hand brushed against Alan's. They were both dead men after all, their Thorns had progressed too far for them to be saved. Fortunately the last bout of attacks had hit both of them half an hour ago, meaning they had some time before they would double over in agony once again.

Sebastian's lips crashed against Alan's. It was wrong, it was so terribly wrong to take something of Eric's and to betray William, but it felt so right ... besides, exclusive relationships simply weren't something that reapers believed in, and it was common knowledge that William rode Eric's cock whenever his hole was getting too tight.

 (Xbertyx author's note: Eric's got a monster cock, yahhhhhh.)

Their clothes came off and Sebastian fingered Alan's entrance like the reaper was an instrument built only to moan for him. Sebastian procured magical lube, because he was a demon and could do such things, and spread the substance over his bare, erect cock. He flipped Alan onto his hands and knees and pushed all 12 by 3 inches of himself inside, fucking the other man as hard as he could. (xbertyx an: Okay ... Eric can't measure up to that, can he?)

Alan's knees were rubbed raw from the carpet, but it only added to his pleasure because he was a masochist and liked the feel of the demon behind him moving his entire body forward and backward, thrusting him closer towards completion. 

Alan came hard without Sebastian even touching his dick, because Sebastian was just that good at giving it. Sebastian soon shot his load into Alan and they fell back moaning onto the carpet, satisfied that they had managed to kill some spare time.

 

\----

 

"Eric, we need ... to talk,"

"Wha' is it, Al?"

"It's Ronald ... he's carrying ... my child."

 

\-------

 

"Ah fuck, I feel like I'm about ta' shat myself," Ronald cried, clutching his stomach.

"Oh hunny, don't worry," Grell said, pushing the ailing reaper's bangs from his face, "the Undertaker probably just put a bun in your oven using the death bookmark. You know, for the lolz."

"No, it feels ... aghghghgh!!!"

 

\----

 

“Y' know none of this woulda' even happened if y'd let me do the seducing!”

Sebastian: “Ronald, must I explain the difference between being seductive and merely slobbering over someone's dick.”

“Don't tell me y' didn't enjoy it.”

 

\----

 

"Ew, monogamy," Ronald said turning to Grell. "Am I right, Senpai?" Grell rolled her eyes.

 

\-----

 

To begin with, Ronald Knox possibly had one too many to drink. Screw that, he probably had about nine too many to drink, but none of that fucking mattered because the Dispatch was picking up the tab, and Chilly Willy and Sebastian were in the corner of the bar latched onto each other's faces, about to go animal planet on each other.

 

\----

 

Hannah was outside flogging the triplets in full steampunk fetish gear, and Alois was deceased.

RIP Alois Fucking Trancy, you were loved by Hannah, but not by Claude.

 

\---

 

"Grell, you are the greatest childless MILF I've ever know. Allow me to make sweet, sweet, passionate love to you."

"Unnie, take me now!" 

 

**************************************************

 

FUCKING COMMENT NOW!!!!! END END.  

 


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